Feb 21, 2008

Guest Post:
"How I Became a Warlock"

I'm not going to talk to you, today, but it's not for lack of love or anything. Only extreme excitement could possibly drag me away from my keyboard when it comes to Points of Convergence! But hey, my little warlock friend, here, has managed to put me all in a tizzy, and I really want to share her guest-post with you.

Say hello to Catrinova, everyone.

Cat is a writer and an artist, who joined the World of Warcraft craze (or was she infected with it?) not terribly long after the release of the Burning Crusade. With a busy family and work life, she's a casual player who has taken her time to look around instead of just rushing to 70. Most importantly, though, she brings a perspective to this blog that yours truly has long since lost: the outlook of the WoW newb*. Sure, she's level 67, these days, but the 'New Azeroth' in which she gained those first, important levels is very different from what it was back when I was running around in my Whitemane's Chapeau. She hasn't seen a lot of the 50+ instances that we older folks ground ad nauseum in the Pre-BC endgame. When we went to Scholomance to get her epic warlock mount, she was thrilled and fascinated by the aging old citadel, and it reminded me of my own fading fascination with Blizzard's crafted world. It's a breath of fresh air, honestly, to see and remember that excitement that we lost when we became old and grey, and I asked her to help me share it with all of you. :)

So, without further ado, here is today's guest-post, courtesy of my favorite newb, Cat.

How I Became a Warlock

When starting out in World of Warcraft, I had not done much research into the lore behind it all, so my choice of character was dictated solely by common sense and reason. ("Not done much" meaning "none at all," and by "reason and common sense" I mean, of course, "what was most shiny". I like the shiny.)

Warlock Cartoon
(c) Kellie Gillette, 2007
Warlocks sounded really fun and lighthearted! You even got a pet that you didn't have to feed all the time like those smelly boars and ravagers. I had lovely images of a snuggly, blue monster tucking my little warlock in at night, or having a lovely game of scrabble with that highly intelligent imp. What could be more fulfilling than nurturing such a loving and symbiotic relationship? Warlocks not only got a life-partner, they were like the social directors of WoW, summoning their friends to parties and handing out "green candies". They must be so popular, I thought, so loved and adored that they even got their own cheer: Nerf!

My Catrinova was born, and she was so shiny, so new and innocent, frolicking about Northshire Valley, that I suppose a fly in the ointment was inevitable. That fly was Beljub.

First off, what kind of name is that? It doesn't dance impishly off the tongue like Puck or Ariel; it sags and burps like a drunken hobo. However, that was Cat's imp and one must make the best of things. It's not his fault that he's named after a vomiting sound. I was sure his sparkling wit and conversational company would more than make...

"This was NOT in my contract!"

... up... for...

"Don't call on me, I'll call on you."

... the name. Or not.

Well, at least, at level 10, Cat can upgrade to her muppet-like friend, the voidwalker. Having some shadows cast now on my bright and shiny warlock outlook, I decided to do a little research ahead of time, just to see whether he preferred cookies or ice cream as a midnight snack.

"Voidwalkers are demons created from the chaos of the Twisting Nether.” Uh... demons? "These hulking blue creatures look vaguely humanoid.” Oh, well that sounds ni... "Their touch is misery... caring only for bringing an end to all creation”. Sigh! At least he wasn't named Beljub.

Okay, but there are other companion options at level 20.

No, never mind, there are no other companions at level 20. No, there aren't! I'm not listening… lalalalalalalalalala.

Level 30 brings us the Felhunter! Well... it could be a muppet. From a new, really dark interpretation of The Dark Crystal as done by David Lynch. With some Tarantino thrown in. Just don't touch it. Or look at it too closely because: ew.

By the time Cat worked her way through the Demonology talent tree and received access to a Felguard, I wasn't expecting any muppets and therefore wasn't disappointed in the huge, ugly and menacing minion that answered the summons. He does his job, does it pretty well and...

"Too pathetic to fight your own battles?"

Excuse me, Shaaghun. This is not your article, it's mine.

"Your time is running out."

No it's not! I have plenty of...

"Do not waste my time, lesser creature."

Lesser..?! You can just go back under your fel-rock, buddy!

"Summon me again at your peril."

I am so going to sacrifice that guy.

In the end the whole minion-as-life-partner thing didn't work out as I'd hoped, but I haven't given up hope. Warlocks are still greeted by that heartening cheer, and just yesterday I had some dwarf children try to throw candies at me! They mistakenly used rocks instead, but it's the thought that counts.

They knew, as I know, that warlocks might look scary with their demons following them everywhere, but we who are... iniquitously enabled... just need love and understanding.

Oh, and your souls. Almost forgot about that part. :-)

* Disclaimer: "Newb"is meant only in the most literal of senses! No comments on play ability are implied.


Dethedrus said...

If only I could make a character that could summon balloon and flower wielding, uh, balloons, I'd be all over that! :)

AC Bamblett said...

What would the spell list for that pet look like? "Helium Blast: Blasts the enemy with thin gas, disorienting it for 3 seconds and making its voice reallyreally high."

Asara Dragoness said...

LOL! I can imagine the voidwalker with a squeaky helium voice.. it'd sound like a gnome on crack.

Seriously though, this post is one of the reasons 'locks are among my favorite people :) The part about NO companions at lv 20 had me rofling!! The only addition I would have loved more would be my favorite impy quote: "You know, I think it's time I started seeing other warlocks.."